(Another text of my homily during Spiritual Pastoral Formation Year at Sacred Heart Novitiate, Novaliches, Quezon City)
Today’s Gospel speaks about believing. At times we have difficulty to believe on something that seems impossible to believe on but at the end, this belief strengthens and nourishes our faith. For quite sometime the disciples were puzzled by the words of Jesus has spoken about and now they understood what was Jesus’ mission and the imparting mission for them. We have heard this cliché ‘ to see is to believe’…what is really then to see in order for us to believe?Or what is then to believe if something is impossible to see? Perhaps, this is what the disciples’ objective was. So many times that Jesus have tested their faith in order for them to believe such as several miracles he performed yet the disciples doubted.
We have sometimes doubt something so unreal but yet in the end it has become a fundamental ground of believing. I too experienced several instances of having doubts and asking for evidences to suffice or satisfy my doubts. I remember back when I am still studying Philosophy in college seminary. We were formed and trained to reason out on certain arguments with philosophies of well-known philosopher lashing out each other’s opinions. Quoting from one philosopher to another, giving the best quotes and lines that amazes my classmates and professors and powerful style of delivery of words were necessary to win over an argument or debate. I would ask for evidences to prove an argument certain or just merely speculations and if my opponent couldn’t interpolate my argument then I believe I won my case. I was so proud that I can win in arguments with my reasoning ability. Awards and honors were given giving boost of confidence. There were some words of praises and encouragement coming from other people which sounded like bells in my ears, floating in the heavens as if I was so blessed to become the best in the class.
All of these were our training in college seminary but then, the intellect I gained was not enough to answer the deepest longing of my heart especially the challenge of vocation. God posed me a deeper question of what really do I believe to follow His ways and answer His call? Intellect then was not enough. No matter how I reason out but there’s still spaces that need to be filled and filtered with understanding and prayer. Not even books, encyclopedias, dictionary or Google or Yahoo Answers could fill the answer that my heart is trying to search.
In the second reading, we looked at Paul asking the disciples at Corinth if they received the Holy Spirit when they became believers but they were never heard of it. It is only through John’s baptism of repentance that they became believers. The Holy Spirit fills the heart with understanding and wisdom that sustains the faith. Repentance is not enough but with the understanding and wisdom of the Holy Spirit. Intellect may answer academic and specific questions but it cannot quench the thirst of the heart. And as I continue to search for answers of my heart’s longing it is through the understanding and wisdom of the Holy Spirit that is needed. It is not enough that I use my reason but the capacity to pray for the Holy Spirit to grant me understanding and wisdom truly enlighten the way to fulfill my heart’s longing for answers to several questions.No need to doubt. Just pure trust and whole lot of faith! A leap of faith is necessary! It is then the Holy Spirit provides the best evidence that there’s something to hold on and keep grounded on our faith. Ang matibay na sandigan ng ating pananamaplataya ay ang karunungan at pang unawa na nagbubuhat sa Banal na Espiritu.
The certain realization that the disciples drew from Jesus is the first step of the greater mission that they have to face. The first step is to believe and from this believing comes the gift of wisdom and understanding that soon that they will be receiving. Again, pure trust is necessary. Without solid trust, believing is impossible to do. And as we await for this promise, we could only pray for guidance that may the Holy Spirit brings us to full understanding of our mission to one another.
